Then, I set out to do some journeys, that retrospectively could be interpreted as spiritual on purpose. They weren’t. But hey, it’s the internet. I can write anything in here (unless the NSA strikes through). I formatted these spiritual journeys in a table so you can read them parallel, although India was 2010 and Uruguay 2013.

I don’t consider myself a spiritual tourist. I am somebody going radically into what is seeming right at the moment. Maybe that is why it takes me a few years to overcome stuff, when others need decades. Maybe I am the prototype of the “bad spiritual student” and just very lazy. But I feel the non-dualist message leaves no choice. I cannot go back to believing in the stories of „working on the self“, through meditation or substances, to achieve progress, to rise to a certain plateau. How can I work on something that ultimately needs to dissolve? It’s impossible. You can only work on skills, like cooking or learning a language. The self needs no work. Its fabric is fantasy.

So, I ask you, brothers and sisters, are you afraid of being sent to prison? Do you fear – similar to becoming blind or handicapped – the hedonist deprivation, forcing you to live in a dark corner of existence, instead of in the lush fullness of this young and powerful dream? Do you think maybe due to a mistake of the justice system, or a flaw in the law, or maybe due to the mistake of robbing a bank, completely fucked up on amphetamines, you might end up living behind bars? 

This is frequently happening outside in the wild. Flatmates prefer to watch entire seasons of “Friends” six times (i.e. 83 hours complete runtime times six equals 21 days, the time the opposum needs to go all the way from non-existence, through pregnancy, to step into the light of the day) instead of talking a walk in town for fucking once, sitting on top of a hill, listening to the resonance of consciousness echoing in streets, antennas, cars in traffic jams, birds flying randomly through clouds, old people clearing the pavement. Yes, we construct our personal prisons, anyways.

But living in prison offers various spiritual lifestyle opportunities. In fact, 99% of human potential can be lived up to within four walls (selfmade statistics Feb 24/14 by DB). Why not hang out in prison for a change and experience the four noble paths of prison lifeas listed below? Check them out.

And you lie there, day and night, with a broken heart. You cannot understand your fellow humans, why do they do this to you? Whichever crime you have committed, it doesn’t ask for such a tragedy in return. You can see the sky, but you are not allowed to touch it.

The second noble path, in the ever spinning wheel of Samsara, is accompanied by relish and lust.

 Go homosexual

Turn prison into a free 24h-XXX-holodeck. Develop the fetishes of violence and masochism. Increase pleasure. Forget everything you have learned about social acceptance, about what is sexy according to your friends, what the erotic story of your character is. Even if you are the proudest hetero, there is a bit of a homo-chimpanzee in all of us. Sail off from the shore of depression to the haven of lust. When the prison guards let you go at the end, you will cling firmly to the bars of your cell and shout: „No! Nooo! Nooo! Noo!“ And you will keep on writing love letters. You will kind of want to go back.

The third noble path, students of Discounted Buddhism, freely available on the internet, illustrated with childish pictures, delivering up to three quarters of the truth for the price of half, the third noble path is about the end of suffering, for the first path converts all prisoner life to suffering, and the second only temporarily covers up the depth of pain. You shall now become a hero.

Turn to Jesus, Buddha or download other spiritual applications to your mental program. Jesus, for example, has proven to be of great benefit in many prison related motion pictures. With him by your side it is not about interpreting the small catastrophes of life as bad luck anymore. There’s a greater good. Who cares about the terrible sausage with wet potatoes in the jail’s canteen that afternoon, when your divine purpose is building the New Jerusalem? Now you’re rising above the others, the other inmates, the others outside, the other you. What a story, „He was saved from drugs and crime, he was feared all across town, now he is doing yoga, praying to the Gods and meditating with great discipline – he has found salvation“. You are becoming a saint.

What, penetrating all this quark, can thus be the fourth noble path of prison life? Is there any other option available than 1) Suffering from the obvious, 2) Indulging in orgy, 3) Turning away from misery to talk to imaginary prophet friends? Now, monks and monquettes, is the time to mention Non-Duality.

You have stopped existing, and everything came into existence! Suddenly, the grey matrix of prison life has dimensions, feelings, sensual inputs, infinite possibilities, plenty of perfect constellations. You don’t care about not being able to leave, you’re not even there! It is just a glorious cosmic screen display. Being inside or outside of prison, it doesn’t matter. Walking the path of misery, of pleasure, of spiritual elevation, or of natural free fall, it doesn’t matter either. 

There is no free will. There is no morale to be imprinted into lost souls. Everything happens, even policemen happen, in this spectacular show of counterparts, called Lila. You have abandoned interpreting being locked up as a misery. You have stopped explaining everything. You have stopped being a story. There is just what is.